The Cracked Bead

Several years ago I decided to take up jewelry making.  Soon I was immersed in a tangle of red, blue, aqua and clear beads. There was wire, pliers, crimp beads, and bead stoppers rolling around all over my kitchen table.

As I began to discover my taste in beaded jewelry, I learned that I liked tone on tone bracelets and necklaces.  I was stringing a necklace of clear beads and then clear quart beads that were fractured inside--cracked beads!  As I was making the necklace--one clear bead, one cracked bead, one clear bead, one cracked bead-- it occurred to me that the cracked bead was me.  I was filled it cracks and fractures though I wished I had no imperfections.

I also discovered something else.  Light went right through the clear bead but the bead with the cracks and fractures reflected brightness back out.  I had always wished I had a clean and perfect life but I was broken and as I exposed my hurts and cracks to the light of Jesus, beauty began to shine out of those flawed places.  God wanted to redeem the damaged and fractured places;  He wanted to bring beauty out of brokenness.

I had to embrace my cracks.  I had to submit them to the light of Jesus. Then beautiful reflections shone out.

Embrace your cracks!

Borrowed Faith

When I was checked into a rehab hospital more than eight weeks ago with torn ligaments in my heels, I never dreamed that I would have three surgeries, six or eight IV atttempts, swallow hundred of pills, spend dozens of hours in the physical therapy gym and cry every night with anxiety as soon as I was alone and the lights were turned off

Each night Jim prayed for me before he left for the evening.  Each night he prayed that I would feel God's peace.  Each night after he went home, the messages of never being well again and  never making it back home would creep in.  I would begin to shake and angst.  And though I prayed and read scripture, I could not sense God's presence.

In the darkness of my room I would text friends (I even called some in the middle of the night) and ask them to go to God for me.  I counted on their faith--I borrowed their faith.  When I couldn't feel God near me, I trusted my friends were experiencing the verse that says,
     "Seek the Lord while he may be found;  call on him while he is near."

Thank you to those who loaned me their faith. I made it through those tough days and nights because of you.

The Fragrance

"Jim, I can't get up.  We are going to have to call for help."

I had taken a bad fall in the middle of the night and quickly realized that I injured both feet and could not bare weight on either foot.

Next thing I know, I heard  Jim say, "please send an ambulance.  No lights and no sirens, please."

Thirty minutes later I was in the emergency room getting x-rays and a CAT scan.  For hours we waited for answers and advice as to what our next step should be.  Ultimately I was put in another ambulance and driven to a rehab center where I have been for a week now with no end in sight.

As word got out about my accident, texts, phone calls and visitors began to arrive.  My window sill filled up with sweet smelling Spring flowers of every color--yellow tulips, white lilies, blue irises, hot pink Gerber daisies, orange star flowers, pink roses and purple mums.

As each visitors has come in my room, they have walked to my bedside, bent low and hugged me.  I have had the wonderful experience of being left with the scent of perfumes and aftershaves from my friends. Long after our visits are over, I still can smell the fragrance of my loved ones.  It has brought me comfort and a sense of connection--an intimacy that can only come from close physical proximity.

In the New Testament book of 2 Corinthians,  those who follow God are said to have the sweet aroma of Christ.  Close connection with the Heavenly Father allows us to carry His sweet scent.  It is distinct and recognizable just as the wonderful fragrance of a periwinkle hyacinth flower is instantly identifiable.

May I walk hand and hand with God so that His aroma of kindness, graciousness, compassion, generosity and love rub off onto me.

The Hostesses

"This morning after breakfast I think we will deliver those Christmas gifts you brought with you," my sister-in-law said to our family as we sat in her dining room overlooking the beautiful skyline of Quito.

After the morning dishes were done, we went through our suitcases to unearth the toys we had brought for one of the Ecuadorean pastors who had five young children.  We wrapped the present in festive holiday paper, added some ribbon and we were set to go.

We piled into Jim's brother's old blue Suburban station wagon and we began the windy ride down the hills, through the city streets, and to the outskirts of Quito.  As we drove up to the pastor's home we felt like we had crossed into another world.  We had driven from a neighborhood with beautiful gated homes into a place with large holes in the roads and lots a dogs running loose through the streets.  The houses were stucco rectangles and very modest.  My sister-in-law jumped out of the car with her usual exuberance, grabbed the bag of gifts and motioned for all of us to come along.

"Hola hola."

Quickly the wife of the pastor responded and came to the front entrance, arms opened wide, speaking warm greetings.  Soon her five children appeared with shy smiles on their faces.

My sister-in-law spoke to the family in Spanish, hugging each of the children. Then she told us that the chairs that had been set out in the living room were for us. We felt uneasy to take the only seats when there were not enough for everyone to sit but the lady of the house insisted.

As we were settling in, I noticed the mother pulling her eldest daughter aside, giving her a few coins and shooing her out the door.  We listened as more rapid Spanish was being spoken, trying to pick out enough words to understand what was being said.  Suddenly the young girl reappeared carrying a bottle of orange Fanta soda and one sleeve of Ritz crackers.

My head dropped as I tried to gain my composure.  We had come to bring gifts to this family who had so few earthly possessions they fit in a three room house. They barely had money and I could not believe this beautiful lady chose to honor us with the little she had.  It was one of the most generous acts of hospitality of I have experienced.

Last November I received a telephone call from a friend.  "Are you free next Friday," was the question on the other end.

"I think so," was my response.

"Good," was my friend's answer.  "Save the day."

A day later a beautiful electronic invitation arrived in my e-mail Inbox inviting me to a birthday luncheon in my honor.  I was a bit embarrassed at the attention and secretly excited at the thought of a wonderful gathering with a few ladies.  I knew my friend and I knew everything would be elegant and delicious.  No detail would be overlooked.

I was right!  The lady of this house had her dining room table set with a gold cloth table cloth.  She had laid out her best china, crystal and silverware.  She serve red tomato bisque soup she made from scratch.  Salad and a delicious chicken crescent ring followed. We ended the afternoon with cake and a scrumptious assortment of handmade cookies and pastries.

After opening beautifully wrapped gifts and drinking one last china cup full of coffee, it was time to say good-bye.  As each lady put on her coat and gave hugs, my friend gave of herself one more time--she had made favors for each of us to remember this wonderful day.

When I got home and try to describe every detail of the party to Jim, I kept hearing myself say,  "I can't believe all she did for me!"  It was extraordinary.

Just this week I was thinking about my two hostesses.  It occurred to me that I had the same response to both ladies--I was humbled by their offerings of themselves and their precious resources.  In the presence of someone's best (no matter how simple or grand) it is love and value that is communicated.  My best and your best are not only "good enough" they are perfect.

The Scout

"Do you think we should take our vacation time to try to find an apartment and jobs?" Jim asked.

"That make sense," I replied.

We threw our suitcases into our beige and brown Dodge Aspen, dropped the dog off at Jim's folk's house, and headed out across "the agonizing expanse" (Pennsylvania) to New York.

A friend offered his guest room and so we set about lining up job interviews and scouring  the "Real Estate" section of the classified ads for apartments (no, Craig's List did not exist).  Every day for five days we went through that same exercise but to no avail.

Discouraged and very anxious, we packed up, said goodbye to our friend and headed back to Ohio.  "What are we going to do?" we worried.  "Seminary starts in a month and we have no house, no jobs and no money."

Moving day came and we went to the U-Haul place and rented two orange and silver "pull behind trailers."  My parents and sister came to help us with the final packing and loading.  We said our good-byes to Jim's Mom and Dad, put our little black dog in the only space left in the back seat of the car, and headed east to my folk's New Jersey home.

As we drove we discussed our strategy.  The plan was to get to my parent's house and unload all our belongings, return the trailers to U-Haul. Then when we found an apartment we would re-rent the trailers, re-load, and head to New York and unpack.  It all seemed overwhelming and I begged God to go ahead of us and find us a home so we wouldn't have to enact the plan.

We made it to New Jersey and Jim and I collapsed with fatigue but my sister had to be at her job that evening in New York, so my parents and sister got back in the car and drove the additional hour and a half.  As they were leaving I jokingly said, "Mom, please find us an apartment while you're in New York."

"Wake up, Steph," I heard "there's a phone call for you."

"Hello," I said in a sleepy voice.

"Steph, it's Mom.  We found you an apartment so you and Jim need to get in the car and come as fast as you can.  The owner will hold the house for two hours."

Jim and I scrambled and met my folks in New York.  They led us to the little white stand-alone house with a red front door and cute porch.  The landlord gave us the tour.  It had the perfect numbers of rooms (the green shag carpet was a bonus) and since my sister was going to live with us while she finished her senior year in college, we all decided this was the place for us.  Oh wait there was the small matter of our dog.  My mother asked the owner, Mrs. Nunez, "May they have their dog in the apartment?"  The soft-spoken lady hesitated and then replied, "Everyone loves a dog...yes, they may keep their dog."

Our last question after signing the lease was, "Could you please tell us what our new address will be?"


"18-A Ohio Avenue," was the response.  We were all stunned.  We were moving from Ohio to Ohio.  God had a sense of humor!!

In the Old Testament book of Deuteronomy it says:

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

The Lord went ahead of us and scouted the perfect house for us.  Shortly after that, He connected us with jobs. We had been nervous and anxious but God had already chosen the perfect situations for us.
 
In the last several weeks I have prayed Deuteronomy 31:8 as a prayer for myself and my friends.  I have prayed that God would go before us into operating rooms and infusion rooms.  I have prayed that He would go before friends to job interviews and sales calls.  I have prayed that God would go before us in parenthood and elder care.  I have envisioned Him scouting those places and circumstances.  He knows all about those experiences before we ever get to them.  Therefore do not be afraid or discouraged.  Your Heavenly Father will never leave you or forsake you.

The President

Jim and I were sitting at our kitchen table talking about the vast contrasts in the character of God--all power versus tender love.

"It reminds me of the famous picture of President Kennedy," I suggested.  Jim knew what I was referring to and he agreed.

I'm sure most of us are familiar with the iconic photograph of President J. F. Kennedy working at his ornately carved desk in the Oval Office while his toddler son, John John, played under the desk. But probably less known to many of us is the wonderful black and white image of the President setting aside his work to clap for his children as they danced about in his office.

Think of it. The then most powerful leader in the free world stopped what he was doing to be a playful father with his children. He did not give up his authority as a world leader, he just moved into his role as proud daddy.  His focus in that moment was all about his pride and joy--Caroline and John John.

 

These historic (for some of us modern history and for others "ancient" history) photos beautifully illustrate the Old Testament writing in the book of Zephaniah:

 

"The Lord your God is with you, 

he is mighty to save.  

He will take great delight in you,

he will quiet you with his love, 

he will rejoice over you with singing."

The ruler of the universe who possesses all power and authority chooses to dote on you and me and when we are worn out from the "stuff" of life, He quiets us down and sings to us--a lullaby.  Can you think of a more tender picture?  You and I are the joy and delight of the mighty God!

 

The Ingredients

"Jim, will you cook with me?"

"What are you making?"

"Lasagna," I replied.

"OK, what do you want me to do?"

Jim got my largest red dutch oven out and we began to add ingredients to the pot.  We browned sweet sausage and ground beef.  We dropped in the diced onions, garlic, carrots and celery and sauteed them for a bit.  I opened great big cans of diced tomatoes and tomato puree.  Jim poured them into the pan, trying to avoid the splash.  He stirred the rich brew.  A wonderful smell rose up out of the red pot as everything began to bubble.  It was time for spice--basil, oregano, sugar, salt and pepper were added.  Jim and I each tasted the sauce as we went along.  We agreed that we had created a fine mixture but it wasn't as thick as we would like.

"Maybe we need to add tomato paste," was Jim's suggestion.

"I think you're right." 

Minutes later we added the thick paste to the sauce.

"Perfect."

We moved on to layering noodles, tomato sauce and the cheese sauce.  This is going to be great, we both announced.

Over the last months and weeks sweet and sad experiences have come into my life.  As stand-alone events, those hard situations feel crushing but peppered with God's grace they become part of the mixture of my life.  The sweet and sad balance each other and add depth to my life.  (I would never eat a raw onion but added to the sauce it adds flavor and depth.)

In the Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes it says, "there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens...a time to weep and a time to laugh."   All the ingredients are necessary for a rich life.