Tantrums

"Sweetheart, I have to run out to the grocery store.  Why don't you grab your jacket and come with me."

My young daughter dressed in her Saturday play clothes--green corduroy overalls, a white turtleneck with flowers printed all over it, navy blue leather mary jane shoes, and a green ribbon bow tied around her topknot--did not take to my plan at all.

"I don't want to go.  I hate the grocery store.  I want to stay home with Daddy.  I'm not going!" she said forcefully as she punctuated her statements with a solid stamp of her little blue shoe.

I tried to coax and cajole her to come with me.  In the midst of the all the messy back-and-forth words, I didn't want to tell her that her best friend's mother had called to ask if she could come and play. I wanted to surprise her.  I wanted to bless her but because she thought she knew what was happening she dug her heels in and nearly missed the blessing.   My six year old did not trust that I was thinking of her, that I had her best interest in mind.

This year I've been asked to follow God unconditionally into places I haven't wanted to go--physically and emotionally painful and frightening places . I've been weak and indulgent in self-pity.  "What are you thinking, God?  Where is your fatherhood?"   I have stomped my feet (best that I could with two broken ankles) and through my tantrums I have told my Heavenly Father, "I don't want to go with you!"  I have not always trusted that He has my best interest in mind and as a result I'm sure I have interfered with His blessings.

In the Old Testament book of Jeremiah God states,  "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness."  As I walk on with my Heavenly Father, will I have to courage to believe His words are true, to let go of questioning His goodness?